“A YEAR IN REVIEW – WEEK THREE OF FIVE. A review of Our watch list for 2014 (list published on December 18, 2013). All artwork by Michael Atkinson. Click on a name below to read the review. Explanation of how we score? Click here. In Bed With Maradona

“You always hurt the one you love. Maybe that works in reverse as well. For many of us there comes a time when it becomes clear the thing you do for fun, the thing you think you love is doing you great harm. Whether it’s the MDMA user seeing a picture of themselves ‘on it’—pupils the size of snooker balls with their jaw on the other side of the dance floor—or the gym rat waking up one day to find himself alone apart from his ‘guns’ and protein shake induced flatulence. These moments act as a mental jolt: a little shock to the system that allows us to take a step back and see our lives for what they really are. If we don’t like what we see then this is a chance to change our behaviour.” The False Nine

“‘Diminutive, derisory, pulsating and profligate sit with almost absurd comfort in the footballing vernacular,’ notes author Adam Hurrey in the introduction to his delightful Football Clichés book, adding, ‘while I struggle to remember anyone using the word aplomb in any other context than a well-taken goal’. Thus begins a meticulously detailed dissection of the well-worn phrases with which players, managers, media and fans fight the losing battle of conveying football’s drama through mere words. This new hardback, published by Headline, is a forensic and thorough examination of football’s language.” Telegraph

amazon: Football Clichés by Adam Hurrey

“In most highlight reels of the last World Cup one of the most recurrent images was of the Bosnian midfielder, Muhamed Bešić tumbling over his own defender Ermin Bicakic as Messi slalomed past Bosnian defence to score one of his routine jaw dropping goals leaving an unfortunate Bešić colliding with Bicakcic in their opening match against the eventual runners up Argentina. But Bešić had a wonderful World Cup contrary to what that pervasive sequence of events suggests.” Outside of the Boot

“It’s here. It landed on my Steam (metaphorical) doorstep a fortnight ago and I plunged straight in, ripping open the (metaphorical) envelope and burrowing straight into the contents with glee. There is much to like about this new version, even as a few kinks and oddities are being ironed out. The darker skin is engaging and atmospheric, redolent maybe of night-time games under floodlights (and who doesn’t enjoy those?). The interface is largely smoother, though it can take time to locate things or, where transfers are concerned for example, to see that there is a slide bar that moves away to reveal more of the information on player positions and so on that we are used to. The in-game engine produces some anomalies, particularly weak goalkeeping and a very unhealthy shots: shots-on-target ratio. It is more realistic in appearance though and seems to have greater tactical integrity in translation of what you set-up to what you see on screen.” Put Niels In Goal

“Don’t get sent off. Getting sent off is bad. You’d think it’d be obvious. You’d think players would understand just how important staying on the field is. You’d think that in the unlikely event it did happen, it would be the result of some extreme circumstance — like a defender caught suddenly in a no-win situation, or a dubious call by a referee. Sometimes stuff happens that’s out of a player’s control. But, when stuff is reasonably in a player’s control, there should be one golden rule: Don’t. Get. Sent. Off.” Grantland

“There’s a plinth with a Ronald Koeman statue on it in the 1990s wing of English football’s hall of shame, as for the Three Lions, the former Dutch defender was one of the decade’s most notorious villains. In 1993, England traveled to Rotterdam with its qualification hopes for the Diana Ross Soccer Shootout, um, USA `94, on the line. With the game goalless, Koeman hauled down David Platt as he raced clear on goal – a clear professional foul, yet he escaped with only a yellow card. Four minutes later, Koeman scored from a free kick.” Soccer Gods

“Every day, it seems, something happens in the world of football that I find objectionable. A player is arrested or sent to prison; a manager becomes involved in some financial duplicity; a club is bought by some oligarch with a questionable record on worker safety or human rights. As I read these stories, or discuss them with friends around the Norwich City matches I attend, I ask myself: what would have to happen at my club before I stopped going? That bond with a club, and with the sport itself – the obsession with fixtures and standings, player transfers and managerial changes, and the rituals of watching on television or live – is incredibly hard to break, and I’ve never managed to detach myself, no matter how bad the quality of play at Norwich, or in the tournaments I follow, has become, let alone how much the culture is warped by money and the pressure to succeed.” New Humanist

“Sat behind the dug out at Deep Dale recently my eye was constantly drawn, despite the entertaining football, to the sight of Paul Cook the Chesterfield Manager prowling the touchline. He was as animated and vocal as you’d expect from a former player-turned-manager, but what stood out most of all was his attire. Here was a 47-year old man whose job it is to inspire and direct his players, dressed in the kind of ridiculously baggy shorts more commonly seen on boxers, basketball players and hanging up on Nora Batty’s washing line.” The False Nine

“A while ago I came up with a theory known, by almost nobody, as the Baniesta principle. The basic idea is that if you were to take two footballers of similar skill levels but diverse development paths – for example, the World Cup winner Andrés Iniesta and the likable Scottish midfield ace Barry Bannan – and switch them at exactly the right age, inducting the 13-year‑old Bannan into La Masia while young Iniesta is forced to tough it out in the North Lanarkshire junior leagues, the end result would be a reversal of their future careers. By now Bannan would be globally revered as an A-list trophy magnet and all-round high spec skill gnome. Iniesta would occasionally do something good on Match of the Day, but otherwise find himself at the edge of things, a highly skilled footballer conditioned to explore only the inner limits of his talent by a youth spent in a culture of rush and hack.” Guardian

“Assessing the skills of goalkeepers is exceptionally difficult, and it’s why I have never attempted to do it. As well as the basic and fundamental skill of shot stopping, the best goalkeepers will be able to effectively assess situations and decide whether to advance or stay on their line. How they deal with a high ball is also important, as is their distribution and their communication and organisational skills. Combine those altogether and you have a range of skills that would be very difficult to measure using conventional statistics. Although I don’t think we are in the position of being able to rate goalkeepers in terms of their entire skillset we are in the position of being able to assess their shot stopping attributes. I’ve been told that the best way to eat an elephant is ‘one bit at a time’, and so we’ll take the same approach to rating goalkeepers. Let’s start the process by having a look at goalkeepers’ shot stopping numbers.” StatsBomb