“Let us get the complaining out of the way first, so we can focus on the football or what passed for it last night. It’s one thing to keep the pitch at your stadium at a length and state of irrigation that favours your particular style, but it’s something completely different to force visiting teams to frolic through meadows in full flower like a footballing version of The Sound of Music; soon, teams will be growing carnivorous plants around their goals in an attempt to stop Messi.” The Offside (YouTube)