“At the beginning of time, Luis Suarez bit God, and God was like, ‘ouch,’ and God’s ‘ouch’ became the universe. And God convened a three-person disciplinary committee to review the incident. And Luis Suarez said unto the disciplinary committee that he would accept a 1-million-year ban, but 10 million years seemed like overkill just for accidentally creating the universe. But God rolled up his sleeve, and the disciplinary committee gazed upon the bite marks, and they were fairly wroth.” Grantland – Brian Phillips
