“Yesterday, Raul declared his immediate eligibility for the old age home by proclaiming Mikey Owen a possible candidate for the Premiership scoring title, despite ample evidence to the contrary (such as years 2004-2009). But it brings up a good question: just who is the likely scoring leader – and not just of England, but of the whole damn continent? Who will win the hallowed – umm…what’s that goddamn acronym again?…ah yes – ESM Golden Shoe? This we must ponder.” (The Offside)