“It’s me, and I’m sorry. I am the nascent American soccer fan. I am the one who has rewarded the editors that fill their sites with SEO-friendly ‘New soccer fan? Start here!’ posts. I am the brand new fan who, after running out of ideas for Tim Howard memes, took the ‘Which Premier League team should you follow?’ quiz, and considered abiding by the result. I am the soccer fan who, until six weeks ago, knew three players: – Landon Donovan – Pele – Ronaldo (Without knowing that there are somewhere between two and ten important Ronaldos). I am presuming that you have been around longer than that, living through the dark years when American soccer fans had roughly the same social standing as leprosy victims and Michael Bolton enthusiasts, so I do not begrudge you your sighs and scoffs. But while you can be frustrated with this new legion of American soccer fanatics, you can’t hate us, or at least shouldn’t.” The Classical