“Earlier this month, Major League Soccer proudly announced the launch of the Castrol Index to ‘objectively’ rank its players’ performances. As if the modern game was not already burdened with enough useless statistics, we can now enjoy the benefits of this ‘proprietary technology’ that purports to track around 1,800 player movements per game, and then produce a league table of ranked individuals. The first monthly table told us what we possibly already knew: Thierry Henry is the best player in MLS.” WSC