Players These Days, Sitting on Their Stolen Toilet Seats, Throwing Money and Shooting at People

“Fernando Torres, the £50 million mercenary, can’t score goals. Ashley Cole shoots people, Glen Johnson steals toilet seats, and Wayne Rooney probably shuns direct deposit just so he can wrap his grubby, calloused hands around somewhere in the neighborhood of £250,000 every week. In Rooney’s case, his astronomical paycheck is his reward for verbally accosting referees, assaulting fellow professionals, and the occasional exquisite bicycle kick. At least that’s what the interwebs and media outlets tell me when they aren’t telling me how special he is.” Nutmeg Radio

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