“FIFA ‘President for Life’ Sepp Blatter (née September, hopefully) is an amazing man. But you probably already knew this, especially if you were one of the 13 people who saw the FIFA-financed blockbuster film United Passions, which acutely dissects Blatter’s amazing life from his virgin birth in a manger through the moment he saves humankind. If it wasn’t for Blatter, international soccer on steroids, as we know it today, may not exist. Sponsors wouldn’t be driven to stab people in alleys to get a lucrative piece of real estate on an ad board (allegedly).” Fusion