“Real Madrid released a statement on Monday saying that Gareth Bale has an injury in the right pyramidalis muscle. After consulting Internet, M.D., we think this means he has, in technical terms, a sore butt. He’s now set to sit out a couple of games, presumably on padded furniture. Bale didn’t play in the 5-0 win over Levante on Saturday , and he’s reportedly going to miss the opportunity to twist Martin Skrtel’s blood at Anfield on Wednesday when Real face Liverpool in the Champions League.” Soccer Gods (Video)