“Lionel Messi scored five goals Wednesday in Barcelona’s 7-1 razing of Bayer Leverkusen, sending the defending Champions League trophy holders through to the quarterfinals. When Messi is on his game (which is usually), he is completely unplayable. I am not Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Cormac McCarthy, so I feel a little ill-equipped to accurately sum up this athlete’s brilliance. In lieu of that, here’s how I would rank Messi’s five-goal haul…” Grantland (Video)

Lionel Messi hits five as Barcelona rout Bayer Leverkusen
“Lionel Messi at his breathtaking best ripped Bayer Leverkusen apart with a record five-goal Champions League haul as Barcelona swept into the quarter-finals 7-1 on the night and 10-2 on aggregate. The Argentinian world player of the year became the first player to score five in a Champions League match, and the first in the competition since Soren Lerby did so for Ajax in a 1979 European Cup tie against Omonia Nicosia, in one of the most comprehensive drubbings in the competition’s history.” Guardian

Champions League: FC Barcelona 7, Bayer Leverkusen 1 (10-2 aggr.), Or, Messi To The Fifth Power
“Days like today are difficult for bloggers and sports journalists alike. We sit in the dark, leafing through our thesauruses (Ray Hudson edition, natch) and wonder what we can say that hasn’t been said before already. What adjectives can you use, what metaphor won’t sound trite, what comparison won’t completely fail to convey what happened?” The Offside (Video)